Black mould, wet clothes and sharing a bed – that’s the reality of the cold snap for my kids and me | Gemma

My children and I have been sleeping in the same bed to stay warm for the past week. In the day, we layer up and put the heating on for short bursts to try to combat the black mould that is starting to appear on the ceilings and walls in the bathroom and the children’s bedrooms. Our prepayment meter is a ticking timebomb, always about to go off. This is the reality of the cold snap for families like mine.

The weather forecast, warning of further cold weather, brings mixed emotions. All I can think about is how I will be able to keep the kids warm and prevent the mould in our house from getting even worse. But seeing children enjoying the snow is uplifting. I just wish that I didn’t feel so guilty that I can’t afford to take the kids anywhere, to warm them back up when we get home or dry their clothes when they’ve been out. Today, my son’s nursery offered to put all his outdoor clothes in their dryer because they know how much I’m struggling.

I am a disabled, single mum to two boys aged 12 and three and a girl aged 15. I’m also a carer to my autistic nephew, and receive universal credit and carer’s allowance. Because we’re on prepayment meters for gas and electricity, I can see how much I’m spending in real time. Looking at those numbers fills me with dread. The meter beeps loudly to alert you that your gas or electricity is almost out. It’s a sound I’ve come to hate; it causes me so much anxiety.

This week, I noticed the condensation on the inside of the windows had started to freeze, so I decided to bring the kids into my bed for the coldest nights. As a parent, my job is to do all I can to shield the children from our financial struggles. My youngest now thinks it’s a game to play dragon breath in the morning, when the air is so cold in the house that we can see our own breath.

For families like mine, living on a low income, we have run out of corners to cut, so when I find myself spending more on gas and electricity, other areas are drastically affected. I have had to try to swallow my pride and access food banks in my local area this winter more than ever before. I have fed my children rather than feeding myself on occasion, so I can use the money saved by skipping a meal to pay the bills. For Christmas, I asked relatives to give the children fleecy nightwear and hoodies as presents to help with the constant battle of keeping warm.

I cannot wait for warmer days. I’m at the bottom of a dark hole and there is no way of getting out. I’ve got into debt on my prepayment meter because when it’s been -4C and -7C I’ve had to borrow money from my utility company to heat my home. Anything you borrow has to be paid back almost immediately, so each time I top up afterwards I get 20% less in energy than I put on the meter. It is a vicious circle.

Because we’re in private rented accommodation, we do not qualify for help from the local council for many of its warmer home schemes. It is up to my landlord whether he updates windows and boilers and radiators and heating systems, and he’s done none of that in the seven years I’ve lived here. The house does not even have a thermostat, so I have two options: heating on or off; and when I turn it back on after being off for a bit it costs a fortune to heat up.

After a year-long battle, I am finally eligible for the government’s warm home discount, a one-off £150 reduction on my electricity bill. But for a household with three children, it is nowhere near enough; it doesn’t cover even a month of my bills. I also qualify for cold weather payments, £25 for each seven-day period of very cold weather. But despite it being freezing cold for the past few days, the temperature keeps jumping slightly above 0C so we haven’t received a payment.

For a three-year-old, the difference between 0C and 1C is nothing – cold is cold. But for parents like me, it’s the difference between £25 extra help and not eating for a few days to ensure that I can provide for my children.

I sometimes find it difficult to imagine how my situation can get better, but it really has to because life should not be this hard. This year, the government will publish a child poverty strategy, setting out the action it will take to address record rates of poverty, affecting more than 4 million children. It needs to be bold and make real change happen by investing in social security and providing more support with essential costs and for the additional needs of families with children. Next winter has to be better for families like mine. There is no other choice.

• Gemma takes part in Changing Realities, a collaboration between almost 200 parents and carers on a low income, researchers at the universities of York and Salford, and Child Poverty Action Group

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