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And that’s it! The songs have all been sung, which means we now enter Eurovision’s most sacred tradition: sitting through seventeen recaps, pretending to enjoy the interval act, and slowly losing all sense of time.
25. 🇦🇹 Austria: COSMÓ – Tanzschein
We’re wrapping up this year’s show with the host nation Austria, and COSMÓ (caps lock drink, if you’re still standing) singing Tanzschein, which means ‘dance license’. My Austrian husband LOVES this, but then he can understand the lyrics and appreciate that they’re actually quite deep and thoughtful.
For those of us who are only on Duolingo German level 9, however, it feels a bit dated musically and the dancers in silver animal masks make little sense. But essentially the club is a uber-masc jungle of animals, and COSMÓ wants to introduce a license that only admits people who live for the dance. So Euroclub, basically. Got it, and here for Austria bringing the happy finish.
24. 🇷🇴 Romania: Alexandra Căpitănescu - Choke Me
Only two songs left! Time for a rock anthem from Romania, and apparently the whole choking theme is metaphorical, although lyrics like “born for you to control” and “love me, make my lungs explode” do make you question how firmly she’s digging in.
It’s a shame, because Alexandra has a fantastic voice and incredible stage presence, and lyrics aside, it’s a really strong performance. But it also makes me feel a bit uneasy, and I’m afraid can’t quite switch that part of my brain off. Regardless, I fully expect this to do extremely well this evening.
23. 🇳🇴 Norway: JONAS LOVV - YA YA YA
Time for Norway, with JONAS LOVV (DRINK) singing YA YA YA, which is essentially Benson Boone doing Seven Nation Army via the medium of Måneskin.
Glam rock isn’t usually my thing, but this is actually great - JONAS has bags of stage presence and fully commits to the strut. I suspect his carnival fishing waders may be the closest we get to lederhosen tonight, so savour the moment.
That said, we do need to talk about the lyric “I got no self control / left it right all over you and your pretty clothes.” Eww, JONAS. This is cashmere. Have some respect.
I’ve just been told that Linda Lampenius appeared in series 9 of Baywatch. She played a European violinist who gets stranded on a yacht, and there’s some kind of smuggling plot involving her violin case. I feel like I definitely need to watch this.
22. 🇮🇹 Italy: Sal Da Vinci - Per Sempre Sì
OK, time for Italy’s Sal Da Vinci with Per Sempre Si. Please stop whatever you’re doing and watch, because rarely has a Sanremo winner split the Italian public quite like this one. For some, it’s a joyfully old-school Italian love song that makes you want to dance round your kitchen singing into a giant pepper grinder. For others, it’s painfully naff 1970s disco with no business being anywhere near Eurovision in 2026.
I’m very much in the LOVE camp. Yes, the only thing that would make this Italian wedding any cheesier is parmesan raining from the rafters, but I don’t care, because it radiates pure joy and I cannot stop smiling. Don’t miss the splendidly camp Buck’s Fizz-style skirt rip towards the end. Douze points, no notes, more prosecco.
21. 🇨🇾 Cyprus: Antigoni – JALLA
Love Island veteran Antigoni from Cyprus (via North London) had a bit of a vocal nightmare on Thursday, and it was by no means guaranteed that JALLA (caps lock DRINK) would make it through. But she did, so let’s see if tonight’s an improvement.
JALLA means “more” in Greek, so we can now add that to the “bring it” courtesy of Greece earlier. Between the two of them, we’re now ready to order in any taverna. It’s a high-energy, OPA-heavy girl bop in the traditional Cypriot Shakira style, featuring an outfit assembled from what appears to be strategic fabric remnants. Vocally, this is a LOT better than Thursday, but…still not great.
“You want more?” asks Antigoni. I mean, in principle yes – JALLA is a proper banger. In practice…let’s take a moment.
20.🇸🇪 Sweden: FELICIA - My System
Time for Sweden to do their immaculately polished, mildly intimidating Sweden thing, this year courtesy of FELICIA (caps lock DRINK) with a full-throttle techno banger. We’ve got pounding bass, an industrial quantity of lasers, and what appears to be sparkly PPE. Because safety first, even when we rave.
On paper, this is extremely my sort of nonsense, but to my ears it’s giving strong “lost Cascada B-side circa 2006” vibes, and while that is a very specific pleasure, Sweden can usually be relied on to aim a bit higher than the Eurodance bargain bin. I want more, Sweden. JALLA. Oh no wait, that’s coming up next.
19. 🇱🇹 Lithuania: Lion Ceccah - Sólo Quiero Más
Time for something a little…alternative. How you feel about this will depend entirely on whether you were ever deeply traumatised by a) the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz, or b) a living statue in Bath in 1981. If so, maybe watch this from behind a cushion. If not, stick it in the Louvre, this is performance art.
Apparently Lion Ceccah has been sprayed silver at all times backstage since rehearsals began, which is almost certainly terrible for his skin, but also a level of commitment to the bit you have to respect. It’s a bold and mildly baffling warning about the dangers of AI, and probably genius. Will it trouble the scoreboard? Who knows. Will it haunt a subset of viewers for years to come? Absolutely.
18. 🇵🇱 Poland: ALICJA – Pray
Time for Poland’s ALICJA (caps lock DRINK), previously selected back in 2020 before the small matter of the contest being cancelled, and now returning six years later to bring some very welcome gospel/R‘n’B to Eurovision. Whilst some of the artists in the first Semi-Final on Tuesday got a bit pitchy in places, ALICJA delivered what was arguably the strongest vocal of the evening, and I think she totally deserves her place in the final.
I also really like the staging for this - there’s a lot you can do with a giant wedge, four very athletic male dancers and a monochrome palette, and it all feels very cool and controlled. It does take a while to get going, however, and Eurovision audiences are not known for their patience.
17.🇫🇮 Finland: Linda Lampenius x Pete Parkkonen – Liekinheitin
Time for Finland’s Linda Lampenius x Pete Parkkonen to deliver what has long been tipped to be this year’s winning performance. Finland have been quietly levelling up for years now, so it does feel like it’s probably time for the good ship Eurovision to dock in Helsinki for the first time since Lordi won in 2006.
Is this the best song in the contest? Probably not – it’s a bit dated to my ears, but the absolutely scorching staging and classical violinist Linda’s frankly ridiculous violin/running in heels skills elevate it into something pretty special. And in an unusual concession, the powers that be have decided she can play it live, which usually isn’t the case with instruments on stage at Eurovision – I think this is only the second time since 1998, or something.
An update from Martin on what’s happening in the arena:
Look Mum No Computer went down quite well in the room. Yes it’s a bit wacky and lots of British media have run it down, but he has leaned into it and the arena was singing along with EINS ZWEI DREI, and you can’t say many recent UK entries recently got sung along to. But France got an ecstatic reaction and I wonder if it could be an outside bet. Huge chants of “Moldova” greeted the next act before they came on.
16. 🇲🇩 Moldova: Satoshi - Viva, Moldova!
A very warm welcome back to Moldova, absent from Eurovision since 2024 and clearly determined to make up for lost time. Please strap in for three minutes of a multi-language football chant…about Moldova. Yes, really. I acknowledge that sounds like the sort of concept that has no business outside a national final, but stick with it because it’s absurdly fun.
Satoshi arrives armed with enough joy and gusto to power a small nation (his own, conveniently), and even if your personal levels of Moldovan pride are hovering near zero, or you’re a bit hazy on Moldova’s exact whereabouts on the European map, it’s hard not to get swept along.
PS If you suffer from motion sickness, consider this a warning. The camerawork is WILD.
Just when you think these hosts have reached peak awkwardness, a technical issue forces them into barely-scripted filler. We are now operating beyond known cringe levels. I am currently trying to leave my own body.
15. 🇫🇷 France: Monroe - Regarde !
Time for another of this year’s Big 4, with France’s Monroe, singing Regard ! The space before the exclamation mark is their style choice, not mine - maybe they want me to take an extra breath before pointing out that this is classic example of the French definition of Eurovision madness, which is doing the same thing every year and expecting different results. To be fair, they’ve thrown in a bit of Rosalía-style popera because that’s won for the past two years, so well done France, I guess?
That said, 17-year-old Monroe is an undeniable talent, and France are long overdue a win. This will deservedly land in the top five, and I am fully prepared to eat my words, sandwiched in a fresh baguette, if it goes all the way. But for now, I’m calling fourth place.
14.🇬🇧 United Kingdom: LOOK MUM NO COMPUTER - Eins, Zwei, Drei
Right, brace brace, because the UK is up next! LOOK MUM NO COMPUTER (caps lock DRINK) is the alter ego of YouTuber Sam Battle, who is known for his quirky electro and *checks notes*…Furby organ, which I very much hope is a musical instrument, for all our sakes.
This entry seems to be as Marmite to Brits as Sal Da Vinci is to Italians (we’ll get to that later), but it all comes down to how much you love a bit of eccentric novelty Britpop featuring shouting in German, I guess? Personally I fully support the BBC rejecting the usual time-worn ballads and taking risks, and whilst I have no idea whether anyone is going to give it any points, I salute the ambition.
13. 🇭🇷 Croatia: LELEK – Andromeda
LELEK from Croatia (caps lock DRINK) - not to be confused with LELÉKA from Ukraine, because Eurovision naming remains a logistical nightmare - are a female five-piece folk-pop collective blending traditional Croatian music with more contemporary sounds. If that seems on paper a bit like last year’s Latvian woodland fairies, it’s really not – this packs a lot more high priestess drama and edge, even if I can’t be entirely rule out that they’re cursing us all.
The staging for this is genuinely one of the most striking of the night, and for better or worse, this has been stuck in my head since Tuesday. ANDROMEDAAAAAA.
Just for info, we have past the half way point. Of the singing, anyway. The contest still has many, many hours to go.
12.🇧🇬 Bulgaria: DARA – Bangaranga
Time for another of tonight’s chaos bangers, courtesy of Bulgaria’s DARA (caps lock DRINK). Bulgaria are back for the first time in four years, and clearly determined to make up for it - this is the Eurovision equivalent of throwing absolutely everything at the wall to see what sticks.
It’s at least three songs in one, features some deeply surreal Bob Fosse-adjacent staging, and launches into a dance break before it’s barely got going. I have no idea what this is, but it makes my teeth rattle in the best possible way and I can’t stop listening. Welcome to the riot.
11. 🇨🇿 Czechia: Daniel Zizka - CROSSROADS
If, like me, you had a Zero 7 phase in the early noughties, this will be extremely your thing. It’s all very angsty and existential, with lots of staring into the distance and emoting heavily, but Daniel delivers one of the strongest vocals in the contest, and it really stands out.
He’s trained in musical theatre but is relatively new to the scene and only 23, which feels frankly unfair given how assured this is. If this performance is anything to go by, he’s got a very big career ahead.
Czechia haven’t qualified for a couple of years and their delegation is one of my favourites, so this feels like a nice moment. Just be aware there’s a fairly dramatic shriek at the end which is a bit of a jump scare, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
