James thought he was just stressed – then the panic attacks started | Diane Young

James* never thought of himself as someone who struggled with anxiety. He was the kind of man who prided himself on his ability to keep it together, no matter the situation. A busy father of two, working long hours in a demanding corporate role, he believed stress was simply part of the job – a badge of honour in today’s relentless grind.

But then, out of nowhere, the panic attacks began.

The first time it happened, James was in the middle of a meeting. His heart started racing, his palms were drenched in sweat and he felt a sudden tightness in his chest. He excused himself, thinking perhaps he was coming down with a virus, or worse, having a heart attack. But the symptoms didn’t go away. If anything, they worsened.

“It felt like I was dying,” James admitted in our first session. “I couldn’t breathe, my chest was tight, I was dizzy and I was convinced something was seriously wrong. I wasn’t in bad shape but I wasn’t sleeping well and felt like I was burning the candle at both ends between work and family commitments.”

After multiple visits to his GP and even a trip to the emergency room, all of which ruled out any physical issues, James was told by a doctor that it may have been a panic attack. James became aware, after some discussion with his GP, that panic attacks are quite common. In fact, 40% of Australians can experience a panic attack once or twice in their lives, and 5% may experience the more debilitating panic disorder. The difference is that a panic attack will happen irregularly and usually only once or twice a year, whereas those diagnosed with a panic disorder will experience repeated and regular panic attacks.

At first, James was confused. Stress was normal, wasn’t it? Everyone dealt with it. Why did he feel his body was suddenly giving up? A few weeks went by until he finally decided to book in for a therapy session. It wasn’t until then that he began to understand the deeper layers of his panic disorder. He realised that his panic attacks came on quickly and felt like they lasted for an eternity, leaving him with a sense of dread. They would often last for up to 30 minutes, with the first 10 minutes being the most extreme.

The pressure cooker: work and family

For years, James had been juggling an unmanageable workload with the pressures of fatherhood with a six-year-old and four-year-old. His banking job demanded long hours, constant travel and unrealistic deadlines. At home, he often felt like he was failing. “I wanted to be present for my kids but I was always too tired or distracted,” he said. “I felt like I wasn’t enough.”

James’ wife had tried to talk to him about the toll it was taking but he brushed her off. “I’d say, ‘I’m fine. It’s just a busy season.’ But the truth was I didn’t want to admit that I was drowning.”

Unpacking the past

In therapy, we began to explore not just his current stressors but also his childhood. He grew up in a household where emotions were rarely discussed. His father, a strict disciplinarian, dismissed vulnerability as weakness. “Crying wasn’t an option,” James recalls. “You just had to get on with it and, from an early age, my father drilled into me the importance of success and hard work. If I didn’t win a footy match as a boy, he wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the day, then he would say that I needed to train harder.”

This stoic mindset carried into adulthood, where James learned to bury his emotions rather than confront them. But the unresolved tension didn’t disappear. Instead, it simmered beneath the surface, waiting for the right conditions to boil over.

In one session we looked at how early trauma could shape his brain’s response to stress. The constant pressure at work and home had triggered his fight-or-flight system, leading to panic attacks.

Moving forward

Recovery for James has been slow and non-linear. He now prioritises self-care – something he used to scoff at. Regular exercise, mindfulness and setting boundaries at work have become non-negotiable. He’s also learning to be more open with his family and prioritise quality time with his two children.

While initially James was resistant to the thought of therapy, with support from his family and close friends, the process has helped him unpack his life history, his unexpressed emotions and to speak openly with those he trusted about his life and his concerns. The rumination and overthinking, which would often lead to him feeling overwhelmed and result in a panic attack, has now subsided.

“The first time I told my wife how overwhelmed I was, I felt so relieved,” he said. “I didn’t realise how much I’d been holding in and I realised it actually made my life and relationships more authentic and real. It has been a learning curve but now I feel more comfortable about sharing how I feel about myself, my life and my relationships.”

James’ story is a reminder that stress isn’t something to dismiss or power through. It can be the body’s way of asking us to stop and listen. And while addressing it can be uncomfortable, it’s also the first step toward healing. “I used to think asking for help was a sign of failure,” James said. “Now I see it as strength. You don’t have to carry it all alone.”

*All clients discussed are fictional amalgams

In Australia, support is available at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 14, and at MensLine on 1300 789 978. In the UK, the charity Mind is available on 0300 123 3393 and Childline on 0800 1111. In the US, call or text Mental Health America at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org