So Gloucester services is the best in Britain? Let a true pitstop connoisseur be the judge of that | Rich Pelley

2 weeks ago 11

If you know me, you’ll know there is nothing I like better than a good old-fashioned service station. Where else can you jump out of the car for an overpriced Burger King, a go on a driving arcade game from 1993 and – most importantly – a wee? Service stations are mini utopias, housing everything that a human being needs for basic survival. Come the apocalypse, you’ll find me happily holed up in my nearest Moto.

Rightmove recently published a list of the happiest places to live in Great Britain, and I suppose I can see why that might be of interest. But it was a survey of the UK’s service stations by the consumer group Which? that really caught my eye, partly for its ludicrous claim that “no one visits a motorway service station for fun”. What nonsense. Although with all the hassles of Christmas travel, I suppose some people may fail to find them quite so entertaining. In any case, ranking service stations is old news: my friends and I have been doing so for years.

My mate Rich backs Birchanger Green on the M11 as “the epicentre of British industry. Where else can you see fleets of BMWs transporting salespeople around the country, having meetings or even interviews?” For Nick, “Stafford northbound on the M6 is a beaut, but if you’re on the M4, I like Membury because I can sing it to the tune of Memory from Cats.” Charlie, meanwhile, champions the M40’s Welcome Break services at Oxford for its decorative fountains, while Phil is a dyed-in-the-wool Leigh Delamere man.

After surveying thousands of motorists, Which? awarded Gloucester services on the M5 the coveted prize of the UK’s top motorway service station. It scored 86%, in part thanks to its farm shop, Kitchen restaurant, wooden beams and “living roof”. It even has a herb garden.

Before issuing judgment, I should say I consider myself quite the service station connoisseur. Best bridge? Knutsford. Most interesting disused feature? Lancaster northbound’s hexagonal tower restaurant. Best attached Wetherspoon’s? Beaconsfield. However, I’m ashamed to admit that I had never previously visited Gloucester services. Nor had I heard of its owner, Westmorland, which also owns Cairn Lodge by the M74 and Tebay on the M6. Surely some sort of pilgrimage was in order?

“This is all very Jeremy Clarkson,” says my friend and chauffeur, Tom, who lives near Gloucester and has nothing better to do than help review service stations, as we arrive at Gloucester northbound. He’s right: there’s no WH Smith, Burger King, M&S, Waitrose, Greggs, Costa or KFC. Instead, we find a farm shop with its own butcher, a cheese counter and a deli counter. It doesn’t seem to sell named brands, so if you’re after a can of Coke and a packet of Monster Munch, you’re bang out of luck. However, if you fancy a loaf of charcoal sourdough, a bottle of Karma Cola or a gilet from the fashion section, you’re in the right place.

Why not stop by Quick Kitchen for a £5.50 festival sausage roll (“It’s like a posh Greggs,” says Tom) or – as we choose – sit down in one of Kitchen restaurant’s quaint booths for a jolly tasty pie, served with mashed potato and winter veg for £11.95 and dished up by smiling staff. Not bad, considering it was more than £10 for a Burger King at Reading services last time I checked. We leave with stomachs full, hearts soaring and – crucially – bladders empty. The toilets, it’s worth noting, feature a futuristic, upside down, handlebar-shaped Dyson hand dryer that Tom excitedly says he has never seen before. On the drive out, we notice that even the petrol pumps look posh.

Am I impressed? Yes. Should every service station be like this? Maybe every other one should be, so I have the choice to be environmentally friendly or hold it in for a more traditional Costa and M&S sandwich at the next proper servos.

After some careful reflection, I have decided to award Gloucester services four out of five. It’s impressive, but its fancy-pants atmosphere is overwhelming, in spite of the minimal decor. “The food was artisan, rather than for the common man,” adds Tom. Oh, and it shuts at 10pm, which isn’t much good if you’re bursting or starving at night.

But what of the lesser, bottom-of-the-table servo? The Which? survey rates Bridgwater the worst services in the country, with a miserly score of 32%. It’s a place where I’ve happily pitstopped many times, on the way to or from Devon or Glastonbury. It’s got a Greggs, a WH Smith, a Costa, an M&S and one of those pasty shops where your pasty will still be lava-hot by the time you reach Land’s End. I definitely feel more comfortable at a Bridgwater underdog than I do at a Gloucester champion. But with the rain lashing down, I can’t tempt my chauffeur into an additional 146-mile round trip to find my true happy place. Maybe next time.