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3 hours ago
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There are times when Westminster politics feels unimportant. A diverting sideshow at best. After Donald Trump’s overnight announcement that he wanted the US to own Gaza, to displace 1.8 million Palestinians to Egypt and Jordan, who have already said they don’t want them, and to turn the territory into a new Riviera, Wednesday was such a day. A moment when you have to ask yourself: what the hell just happened?
And no doubt we can expect many more such days in the next four years if the US president maintains his Maga “speak first, think later” persona. That’s assuming that thinking will make any difference. It’s possible The Donald is delusional enough to believe all this stuff. That when he collides with reality, it is reality that has to change. He makes Boris Johnson look like Winston Churchill.
You can tell we have slipped through the looking-glass when even Priti Patel agrees with the Labour government. But that was where we were on Wednesday morning, with Patel and David Lammy saying the Palestinians had a right to remain and that the only acceptable long-term answer was a two-state solution.
It was the same response from almost every party, though John Swinney, the SNP leader, was the only one to use the words “ethnic cleansing”. We have yet to hear from Nigel Farage. Nige likes to think he is the man of the people who is not afraid to say what he thinks, but he tends to come over all coy when the president he would like to count as his friend goes too far. Or maybe he’s thinking he would like to buy shares in the new casinos and golf courses along the new Riviera.
What was missing from the government’s response was any criticism of The Donald. Keir Starmer has clearly decided the best way to treat the orange man-child who happens to be the most powerful man in the western world is to act like an over-indulgent parent. To shower him with praise before gently suggesting possible alternatives. Hope that he doesn’t actually realise he has been criticised. Anything to avoid a temper tantrum resulting in tariffs. Parenting with the lightest of touches. Baby wrangling.
So the government began its response to the fresh Trumpian hell by praising The Donald. He had been so right to say Gaza was just a pile of rubble. This was an insight that had escaped every other western leader. Starmer himself had believed that most buildings were still standing and couldn’t understand why so many Palestinians had not gone home. So the world owed the president a huge debt of gratitude.
But – mumble, mumble – he might care to have another think about the US moving in and kicking out the Palestinians. No pressure. No hurry. If The Donald were to go ahead, Keir was sure it would be a great success. But maybe it would be an even more bigly success were the US to be not so actively involved.
So no wonder Trump barely got a mention in prime minister’s questions: Ed Davey was the only person to bring him up, and even then at arm’s length. Everyone knows what’s right but is terrified of the consequences of standing up to the president. Just hope to survive unnoticed. The Tory benches were unnaturally quiet.
For the most part, though, PMQs continue to be Starmer’s comfort zone. His relaxing half-hour where he gets to zone out. A bit like a yoga lesson. Not because everything is going so well for Labour – far from it – but because Kemi Badenoch is so ineffective as a leader of the opposition. To be fair, she is trying to get better. She now wakes up every morning and tries not to believe every mad conspiracy theory she reads on X, but she has no extended attention span. At heart she is too lazy. She isn’t prepared to do the work. She is riddled with levitas. An unserious politician.
Kemi began by saying that when Labour negotiates, the UK loses. Hmm. We’re all thrilled that the Tories’ Brexit negotiations left us so much better off, of course. But, moving on, she cited the Chagos Islands deal as a massive failure. Even though she didn’t know exactly what it was. Starmer spelled things out for her. It was a matter of national security. That’s why the Conservatives had conducted 11 rounds of negotiations while they were in office. Labour had offered to brief Badenoch on privy council terms but she had declined. Too busy fighting culture wars on social media. Now, it is possible there was no issue of national security. It is possible the Chagos deal really is terrible. But the leader of the opposition couldn’t be bothered to find out.
There was no comeback from this. Kemi had yet again shown herself to be out of her depth. Many Tories looked on in despair. They are having buyers’ remorse. Imagining a new life under Robert Jenrick. They are that desperate. Badenoch did not fare any better with her next five questions. All of which were a defence of drilling for more oil in the North Sea. Yet again she seemed to have missed the point. Starmer is minded to go ahead but it was her government that had given a consent that the courts found to be unlawful. Badenoch is her own worst enemy.
A few Tories were disappointed that Kemi had not raised the issue of Starmer’s voice coach, as they have managed to convince themselves that Keir had broken lockdown rules. Not doing this turned out to be one of the few things Badenoch got right in the past week. When the Tory MP Gagan Mohindra voiced his concerns, he was brutally slapped down. He had been working on a response to the Brexit deal, Keir said. The coach was part of his core team. This was a tough one for the Tories to understand. Because while he had been doing his job, the Tories had been throwing up over the walls and having sex in cupboards during lockdown. It was their category error to assume everyone else had been doing the same.
We did at least end PMQs on a lighter note when Farage tried to ask a question. I say tried as it took him three goes to get to the end as MPs on all sides were laughing at him. Nige doesn’t recognise the difference between being laughed at and laughed with. Like all narcissists, he only registers the attention. What was provoking the laughter was Nige demanding an answer to what he should say to his 25,000 constituents in Clacton.
“Sorry,” suggested dozens of MPs. “Where the hell am I?”
