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1 day ago
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? If the foreign secretary makes a speech to the G20 in South Africa and someone forgot to switch on the televised stream, did it really happen?
This was meant to be David Lammy’s big day out. His Foreign Office team had briefed in advance that this was to be his most forceful intervention on Ukraine yet. No more Mr Nice Guy. No more couching his words in the language of twisted diplomacy. Just shooting from the hip. Telling it as it is. Leaving every other foreign minister at the summit in Johannesburg gasping for breath.
Only it didn’t work out like that. The waiting world tuned in to the G20 YouTube channel in the middle of the afternoon. Expecting fireworks. Except the only video stream available was a recording of some politicians arriving at the venue earlier in the day. We waited. And waited. Still nothing. Perhaps a private meeting had overrun. An arm-wrestling contest between Big Dave and Sergei Lavrov?
Not exactly. Eventually it became clear. Someone apologetically admitted they had forgotten to turn on the power at the mains. The cameras had recorded nothing. In desperation, the Foreign Office sent around a readout. Lammy had spoken. And he had been forthright. The bravest of the brave. We just had to take their word on this. It had all really happened. We hadn’t slipped into a parallel universe.
Nor had Lavrov, the Russian foreign minister, taken it lying down. He had left the room rather than sit there while Lammy laid into his country. And him. Dave hadn’t minced his words. Russia had learned nothing. It had no respect for Ukraine’s sovereignty. No sympathy for the innocent victims of aggression. No readiness for a durable peace. All we had heard from Russia was the logic of imperialism dressed up as realpolitik. Britain was ready to listen to a way forward that respected Ukraine’s sovereignty. But all he had heard was tired fabrications.
Strong stuff. We checked the transcript. The speech seemed a bit on the short side. Had there been a mistake somewhere? Had 10 minutes of a blank screen been erased from history? The bit where Lammy questioned the interventions of the US: Donald Trump acting as Vladimir Putin’s Useful Idiot. Ceding sovereignty of Ukrainian land to the Russians. Calling President Volodymyr Zelenskyy a dictator. Criticising Ukraine for not holding elections while the war was still going on. Holding peace talks without allowing the Ukrainians to be present.
But no. It turned out Lammy hadn’t been quite that brave. Couldn’t quite make the connection that one of the reasons Russia behaves the way it does is because it knows it has the active encouragement of the Americans. We are seeing a shift in the world order. It is no longer the US and Europe against Russia. It’s the US and Russia against Europe. Dictators United. Yet the UK clings to the past. Willing it not to be true. So for Trump there can be no cross word. Just a slightly sad, quizzical eyebrow. Really, Donald? Really?
As for The Donald himself, he was taking a few hours out of his schedule in which he had declared himself King to catch some shut-eye. To think of his next move. So it was left to the US vice-president, JD Vance, to fill the gap with an appearance at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in Washington. Where he was interviewed by a fawning Mercedes Schlapp, the former White House director of strategic communications.
Schlapp couldn’t have been more excited to have Vance there. It was all she could do to stop herself curling up at his feet in adoration. “Can I be your best friend?” she begged. “P-L-E-A-S-E.”
This was less interview, more extreme love-bombing. Where JD got whoops of applause just for talking in fully formed sentences. It’s more than The Donald can manage I suppose. It seems that many on the right, in the US and the UK, have abandoned any pretence of critical thinking. No serious questioning is allowed. If Trump has said something then it must be true. If necessary, reality must be bent to conform to the presidential vision. The power of reason has been suspended. We are living in the world’s most influential echo chamber.
“Do you know what the day is?!” screamed Schlapp. “It’s the one-month anniversary of the inauguration. Isn’t that amazing?”
Cue screams and gasps from Mercedes and the audience. And do you know what tomorrow will be? The month and a day anniversary. Vance was in his element. There’s nothing he likes more than the feeling of smoke being blown up his ass. Normally vice-presidents feel like no-marks. If he plays his cards right and follows the Trumpian script, he gets to have his supporters.
So Vance droned on and on. The Donald was the Messiah. His only mission was to bring security and prosperity to the American people. Then a few words on Ukraine. By now familiar. Trump was a master negotiator. Only he could bring peace. He alone had the leadership. Civilisation was at risk if European leaders didn’t bend to his will.
All of which went totally unchallenged. Not a mild inquiry why the “world’s best deal maker” had surrendered all his bargaining chips to the Russians before the negotiations had even started. But then, maybe Schlapp just doesn’t care. If it’s good enough for Trump, it’s good enough for her.
One person we didn’t hear from was Keith Kellogg, The Donald’s envoy to Ukraine. He had been due to give a press conference after meeting Zelenskyy in Kyiv but cancelled it. The damn Ukrainian and European media aren’t quite so servile and might have had a few words to say about Trump’s abusive remarks about Zelenskyy.
And then there was Nigel Farage. Turning up like a bad smell in Washington for CPAC. Nige has been uncharacteristically quiet on Ukraine. He knows most Britons have no time for Trump’s interventions on Ukraine, but can’t quite bring himself to criticise the US King. So he belatedly mumbled something equivocal. Zelenskyy wasn’t a dictator but Trump was right about everything else.
Nige, The Donald doesn’t love you. He doesn’t even think about you. You’re nothing to him. He’s a mentally unwell narcissist. The sycophancy just washes over him. You’re just another court jester who can be dropped at any time. Have some self-respect.
Do you ever get the feeling that the world is going to shit?
