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7 hours ago
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It’s been a long, dreary winter. I am at dinner with a group of friends when someone wonders aloud when the first day of summer is. Lizzie insists it’s 21 June, Cleo is equally sure it’s 1 June. Sylvie says she is willing to bet her coveted The Row flip-flops on Cleo’s answer. The social rewards from “arguing” over this far outweigh knowing a trivial piece of information that no one at the table will remember. And yet, we can’t help ourselves.
Invariably, someone pulls out their phone, does a not-so-quick search online, and then declares, as though she has uncovered something truly revelatory, the first day of the astronomical summer is on the summer solstice, 21 June. Whereas 1 June is when the meteorological summer begins.
Turns out nobody cares. The obligatory “hmmmm” travels around the table as everyone looks at their watches. There’s a shift in the social dynamic. Lizzie says something about an early-morning root canal. The person with the phone becomes the self-appointed “expert” at the table. What started out as a fun, casual evening with friends has become a teaching moment.
The night is over. Someone asks for the check.
Alternatively, here’s what could have happened: a somewhat raucous argument over who is right. Lizzie standing up and swearing she knows the exact date because of a late-June “welcome to summer” party where she was making out with a hottie and accidentally leaned against the air conditioning off/on switch, turning the room into a sauna. Everyone ended up in their undies. “It was one of the best nights of my life, I’d never forget it,” Lizzie blurts out with pride. We’ve all learned something – but not about the start of summer, whenever that is.
Suffice to say, smartphones are a buzz kill. Researchers at the University of Texas have shown that even having your mobile phone at the table, powered down and turned over, affects your ability to connect. Let that sink in: even when your phone is off, your brain is still distracted by it.
There’s also something called the Google effect, where we’ve become so accustomed to retrieving information easily and quickly that we don’t bother retaining it. We rarely remember these Googled titbits, and yet we allow them to turn a perfectly good night into our dullest university lecture.
The next time you are out with friends and a burning question comes up, forget about checking with Google. Ask your friends. Even if they don’t know the answer, it’s OK. The point is to keep talking. While we still know how.
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Helene Rosenthal lives in New York City and writes about families, friendships and relationships
