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3 hours ago
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Elizabeth, 96
He never stays over. I think he’s worried someone will see his car in the drive, so he goes home at midnight
I was married for over 50 years, but in my 90s I feel I’m experiencing real intimacy for the first time. With Alfred, it’s passionate, gentle, relaxed and loving. We’ve had sex, but mostly we cuddle and kiss on the sofa. My mobility is a bit limited as I’ve had a hip operation, but that doesn’t get in the way of sex. I feel like a teenager, excited by him. I fancy him.
Physically, it’s better with Alfred than it was with my husband. Though he isn’t even my partner, there’s more affection and intimacy between us. Even holding hands feels more loving than anything I’ve felt before.
I’ve known Alfred since he and his wife moved to the area decades ago – she went to the same pottery class as me. After she died, he started inviting me for car rides and lunches. Now we have a passionate companionship.
Physical touch has always been the most important part of a relationship for me. But when I was younger it made me feel insecure; I worried I was doing the wrong thing. My husband and I started going out when I was 17 but we didn’t marry until my mid-20s, so we waited seven years to have sex.
When you get to our age and you’re alone, there’s a certain amount of loneliness, so it’s nice to have someone to spend time with. Alfred comes in the evenings or we go to the cinema, and I see him at church. Sometimes we drive to a lake and sit in the car, watch the ducks and have an ice-cream.
Although Alfred and I have been to bed together, it doesn’t happen often. And he never stays over. I think he’s worried someone will see his car in the drive, so he goes home at midnight. I don’t know if he has other lady friends. Now he’s a widower, he can be friendly with different women if he wants to.
I tell Alfred I love him a lot. He says “I love you” back, but he laughs when he says it. He’s a man’s man. I find that attractive about him, but it can make it difficult to know what he’s thinking.
It doesn’t matter that there isn’t a label on our relationship. He comes over about four evenings a week, but I also value time on my own. You have to have your own space.
Alfred, 94
Things changed a few years ago when I started bringing her fish from the fishmonger on Tuesdays
Elizabeth and I have known each other for about 50 years. I knew her husband and she knew my wife. When it comes to sex, I’m not sure that age comes into it a great deal, as long as one is in good health.
When my wife died five years ago, it took me a long time to get over it, and I wasn’t looking to meet anyone else. But Elizabeth and I began spending more time together. In the beginning, I was really just being neighbourly. But things changed a few years ago when I started bringing her fish from the fishmonger on Tuesdays, something I still do. Then I started going over to hers two or three evenings a week.
Intimacy isn’t really spoken of in our generation, but we are intimate. I go around to Elizabeth’s house and we hold hands and watch television, which are very precious moments. I still drive and she doesn’t, so we go driving in my car and I take her to eat at restaurants we both like. Her condition means that she’s not very mobile, so I try to give her physical support however I can.
What attracts me to Elizabeth is her wicked sense of humour and how caring she is. Last week, another neighbour was sick and Elizabeth sent her flowers. I like that I can pop by without any formal arrangements. It’s casual and there’s no pressure. I arrange to visit her three to four evenings a week, but I drop by for coffee in the day as well.
The last time I was “dating” was in my early 20s, and back then everything was so formal. But now we’re in our 90s, we don’t need formality or permission. I don’t see us as a couple because we haven’t put a label on our relationship – at our age it isn’t really necessary. Life just evolves. You don’t plan, you just go with it.
