You be the judge: should my partner get rid of her old dishcloths and sponges?

3 hours ago 5

The prosecution: Charles

Whenever I see Alice’s cloths, I imagine all the bacteria that must be crawling over them

I unceremoniously dumped Alice when she was 23 and I was 26. I’m now 62 and we’ve just got back together.

I was a poor judge of character back then. We reconnected last year when Alice sent me some old photos of us on Facebook. I thought: “God, I was such an idiot to dump her.” I’ve since been married three times – my last marriage crumbled during Covid.

I was living in Hong Kong and Alice was in Zurich, and despite the six-hour time difference, we chatted for up to eight hours a day until she came to see me in January 2025. When she arrived, my pomeranian ran up the hill to meet her. I just thought: “This is going to be good.”

We had a wonderful two weeks, and when she left we both cried. In March this year, I moved to Zurich to be with her. I feel privileged and very happy – but I hate her dishcloths and the way she keeps her sponges.

I don’t like dirty things around the sink, but Alice leaves wet sponges in the sink that just sit there for weeks. I think about all the bacteria in them. She doesn’t wash her dishcloths either.

In Hong Kong, I had three sets of sponges and dishcloths: a spare set; the ones in use; and the things that are drying after coming out of the laundry. I had a domestic helper who washed and bleached them for me.

Whenever I see Alice’s cloths, I imagine bacteria crawling and climbing on them. They’re like petri dishes. I wanted to wash Alice’s cloths when I moved in, but she wouldn’t let me, for some reason.

After I’d been here two weeks, Alice bought me a new smiley face sponge with a holder, to make me feel better. I appreciated it. But then one of those blasted dishcloths reappeared. It was foul. I want permission to throw it away.

Through karma or fate, we have ended up back together. I have not been in the best mental state, and since we reconnected Alice has supported me through difficult times and I appreciate her. I just want her dirty dishcloths out of the house.

The defence: Alice

Charles would prefer to throw all dishcloths away immediately after using them

I like using dishcloths to clean surfaces. I hang them on the tap afterwards, but Charles would prefer to throw them all away immediately after using them, and then get a new one out. He also doesn’t want to use them to clean surfaces, but that’s what they are for. I think: surely you just wring the cloths out and leave them in the sink after using them?

I didn’t think about this too much before Charles moved in. But I also have a dishwasher and rarely use my sponges. I did buy him a new sponge that comes on its own little holder recently, so it dries itself. Charles appreciated that. But he has only lived here for a short time.

I don’t remember what it was like living with Charles in my 20s. We were not together long. I love my own company and can be alone in my space for days. I have been single since my marriage ended in 2018. Charles likes to talk, but luckily I haven’t had to put my headphones on since he moved in.

I don’t find it hard to compromise – Charles leaves dirty ashtrays around the garden, and I put up with that, which is worse than a grubby dishcloth.

We get along well, but we have had a couple of wobbly moments and have agreed to be transparent with each other. I’m not a big talker when it comes to emotions. I shut off, whereas Charles is always going over things. It’s good – we balance each other out.

If I wasn’t pretty sure that Charles and I would work out, I wouldn’t have had him move in. We both have grownup kids, and if we had stayed together all those years ago maybe we wouldn’t be together now. I bought my first house, got married and had my daughter. Charles has six kids and has lived in every low-tax jurisdiction you can think of. I’m a homebody, and if we’d stayed together first time round, I might not have had my career. It wouldn’t have worked.

As for the cloths, maybe we can consider putting them in a weak solution of bleach. But Charles will have to do that – I won’t do it myself.

The jury of Guardian readers

I think Alice deserves a bit more respect for how she lives, as Charles has joined her life – not the other way round. Living with someone is about give and take. If he is that bothered, he should just wash the dishcloths.
Ed, 51

What does Alice have against washing dishcloths? I also like using them to clean surfaces, but there’s no excuse not to chuck them in the wash before they get gross. Having said that, if Charles wants Alice to clean the cloths he should probably clean up his ashtrays.
Kayleigh, 35

It takes time to find a modus operandi, domestically. One person’s dirty dishcloth is another’s abandoned ashtray. A dishcloth/ashtray accord surely can be reached by two people so glad to have refound one another. But grotty dishcloths are hard to stomach – even for those without cleaning staff.
Rosalind, 65

It doesn’t seem that Charles has tried to find a compromise, whereas Alice already has: she puts up with his dirty ashtrays and made an effort by getting a new sponge for him. If the dishcloths bother him that much, he could offer to wash them, and then get on with enjoying their reunion!
Alex, 34

The “myth” that keyboards generally contain more bacteria than your toilet seat is disgustingly true and can be applied to dishcloths 100-fold. Alice: wash or replace them. It will help keep you – and your relationship – healthy.
Misha, 35