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Even outside its notoriously tight weekly production schedule, South Park has always run on an unpredictable calendar, sometimes taking years between seasons. This time around, it’s jumping from one season to the next after only five episodes (which, granted, have come in bi-monthly instalments, not counting the abrupt season finale that was pushed back a week due to a blown deadline).
Tonight’s episode, titled Twisted Christian, kicks off season 28. At South Park Elementary, PC Principal – the PC standing for Power Christian ever since his politically motivated conversion at the start of last season – attempts to put a stop to his students’ obsession with the “6-7” TikTok meme, not because it is insufferable or disruptive, but because he considers it “some satanic numerology shit”. Rather than seeking help from the school’s new guidance counsellor, Jesus Christ, he turns to the world’s top expert on the antichrist: billionaire Peter Thiel. (The show’s caricature of Thiel – sunken skeletal visage with bulging bug eyes – is up there with Kristi Noem’s from earlier this year in terms of viciousness.)
Thiel dives into the lore of the antichrist, revealing that God’s punishment of Satan after the war in heaven was to shrink his butthole down to the size of a pinhole, “so that [he] could never have a butt baby … until along came Mr Donald Trump, whose penis is so teeny-teeny-tiny it could actually fit in Satan’s asshole.” The size of Trump’s penis? Somewhere between 6-7cm. All of this is foretold in Revelation 6:7, natch.
We’re also shown a scheming JD Vance, who seems to be the one pulling the strings rather than Satan or Trump. He is doing everything in his power to stop the birth of his boss’s unholy spawn, including giving his benefactor Thiel unlimited access to every government database while also convincing Trump to seek out an abortion.
Donald Trump takes a back seat to other characters here, although several scenes are dedicated to his nether regions (including a couple of attempts at masturbation with the help of a pair of tweezers), making this by far the most explicit and outrageous episode since the last season premiere.
Meanwhile, back in South Park, Jesus suffers a crisis of faith after spending time with PC Principal and other Maga Christians (“You need a way to bully people and you’re using the Bible to do it!”), while Eric Cartman’s unhealthy obsession with the “6-7” meme turns into a full-blown case of demonic possession, replete with violent projectile vomiting a la The Exorcist. It turns out he may have the key to stopping the apocalypse. Jesus eventually gives in to peer pressure and embraces a Christian bro lifestyle, while Cartman heads to DC, where a face-to-face with Trump is all but inevitable.
Even though it picked up from where the last episode left off, this had the feel of a season premiere, setting all the pieces in place for the remaining five episodes and what is sure to be a wild conclusion. As evidenced by the feature film South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut and the season 11 Imaginationland saga, South Park is capable of telling legitimately epic stories, and the one they’re currently in the middle of has all the makings of another classic.
