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4 days ago
13
Getting out of the house
Smart speakers are a great parenting crutch, whether it be for setting a timer (kids seem to be weirdly obedient to them) or asking Alexa for homework help when the kids put you on the spot. But reader Katie Matthews has hacked the parenting matrix. “I used to have to nag repeatedly to get the kids out of the house,” she says. “Now our Google speaker announces a five-minute warning before we need to leave. They know they have to do their last bits of faffing when they hear that warning. Then the speaker announces, ‘Shoes on, let’s go!’ when it’s time to leave. It really has transformed our mornings.”
Mealtime musts
Getting your child to endure the torture of eating the food that has been lovingly prepared for them can be painful. But this sweet tip comes tried and tested from author Holly Bourne: “Making my daughter ‘ice-cream’ for breakfast – with blended avocado, banana, strawberries and full-fat Greek yoghurt – has been a gamechanger. It’s important not to ‘trick’ kids into eating healthy food, so she helps us make it and sees what goes into the blender, but doesn’t seem to mind if it’s becoming ice-cream.”
While some of us fret about snacking, reader Sarah de Malplaquet says giving her six-year-old a snack plate of raw vegetables before dinner has improved mealtimes. “He happily munches through veggies he would reject at dinner, and then the pressure is off when we sit down to eat as we know he’s already had a variety of vegetables.”
And if the dinner table has become a war zone, Sue from Norwich has a suggestion: “When sharing something tasty between two boys, one would cut and the other would get to choose which half they’d like.”
Some parents have had great success in actually handing over the cooking responsibilities. Jo from Berkshire shares: “When my son was seven, his grandmother taught him to make a cheese omelette, and now he’ll make that for breakfast for the whole family at any opportunity, because it makes him feel responsible. There’s something about giving kids a role in the family that pushes them a bit – and they feel like it’s something grownup and maybe a bit dangerous! That’s been a real parenting win.”
Day trips
Nadia from London has an idea that sounds such fun you’ll be booking a day out asap. “I’ve always loved museums,” she says, “but they can be overwhelming for children. For decades now, I’ve done something called ‘playing postcards’. We do the museum backwards, visiting the gift shop first. Each child gets to choose three postcards. Then they take it in turns to find that particular artwork in the museum and give us a little information about the piece from the details on the postcard, or from any gallery plaque. At the end of this treasure-hunt-style activity, we vote for our favourite in the cafe.”
If even deciding where to go is a trial, Deb from Dorset says she gives her children a choice – and smaller kids will usually go for the last of three options, so make that your preference. “They are really happy it’s their choice,” she says. “If you’ve got more than one child, make sure they know whose turn it is to choose and be absolutely rigorous in sticking to that – children love fairness.”
Hygiene hacks
On dealing with kids’ personal hygiene, Pip from London says, “‘Try for three, then ask for me’ is a great mantra – it’s been good for bum-wiping at least.”
And when it comes to younger children, Caroline from Derby says, “When cutting a baby’s fingernails, put them in a high chair so you’ve got both arms free to hold a reluctant baby arm – it also works for brushing teeth and administering medicine.”
To get kids into the bath, Anna from Manchester suggests saying something like: “I bet you can’t get into the bath by the time I count to 10 – and if you do, I’ll do a silly dance.” Battling to then get them out again? Try this from Catherine in Birmingham: “My baby hates getting out of the bath and it used to start a pre-bedtime tantrum. Now we say goodbye to the bath toys and put them away one by one as the bath water drains out. She’s eventually sitting in an empty bath and is then happy to move on to the next stage of the bedtime routine.”
And if you’ve been worn down by chasing reluctant kids with SPF, reader Carly shares this genius idea: “Apply sunscreen or moisturiser with a tanning mitt. It takes 30 seconds to do a whole body and goes on more evenly.”
Making playtime fun
To break up the tedium of parenting, Julia Pegg from Sheffield suggests: “When times get tough on my 87th read of Paw Patrol: Pups Save Adventure Bay, I imagine I’m a minor celebrity on CBeebies Bedtime Story. I look into the ‘camera’ and give the performance of a lifetime. I can suddenly do voices, tone and inflection with much greater ease, and convey all the feelings I can muster. It seems silly, but it definitely lifts the monotony.”
Sean, a headteacher and father of two, offers a mental shift that helps him: “I remind myself that one day they won’t ask me to play Lego or dinosaurs – that makes me enjoy it while I can.”
Toothbrush troubles
“My two-year-old hated having her teeth brushed,” says reader Megan. “Now, every time we brush her teeth I pretend to be a vet and she gets to choose which kind of animal she wants to be. So I brush her teeth while she roars at me like a lion or a tiger, and we have a great time!”
Hannah Ostroumoff from Bristol says swapping the advised “pea-size” amount of toothpaste for “a tiny smidgen” has worked “like magic” for her son, and as he gets used to it, she slowly increases the amount.
Just behave!
There are moments you feel you’d do anything to get your kids to stop fighting, screaming or causing chaos. “When the kids are driving me up the wall, I call on a piece of advice a friend gave me: take them outside or put them in water, whether that’s a bath or playing with a water gun,” says Katharine from Exeter. “The change of environment really helps with de-escalating a tantrum.”
Emily from London plays “you’re not allowed to laugh” when her three children kick off. The idea is the children can be as sad or furious as they need to be, but they must not laugh. “Any smile or giggle, we pounce on with ‘No laughing, you’re supposed to be cross!’ Within minutes, they’re all usually laughing hysterically. I don’t know why it works, but it’s saved me many times.”
For older kids, Jo from Berkshire found her lot really took to a Dragons’ Den-style system that makes them consider their constant requests: “We bought stamps that say ‘approved’ and ‘denied’, so if the kids want something, or want to persuade us of something, they have to write a proposal – which has been really good for my son who’s dyslexic and doesn’t like writing – and submit it. Then they get a stamp whether they’re going to get it or not.”
Opening up
Getting your kid to communicate their worries is a constant anxiety for parents, whatever the age of their children. For teenagers, Vic from London finds this works: “When my daughters are stressed by school or friendship issues, I ask them if they’d like my advice or if they’d just like me to listen – 90% of the time, they just want me to listen. They’ve got some of it out of their system and I have a better handle on their life.”
During the primary years, Ainslie from Bristol is a proponent of “golden time”. “At bedtime, after we’ve brushed teeth and read stories, there is a quieter period when we snuggle up,” she says. “This is golden time when, if they want to, the kids can say anything, ask anything, confess anything without fear of judgment or getting into trouble. They don’t always use it – but it’s there if needed.”
Lorraine Candy, an author and host of the podcast Postcards from Midlife, suggests a simple swap she used when talking to teens: “Ask, ‘How do you feel today?’ not ‘What did you do today?’ when you want to chat.”
Keeping in touch
Getting a teenager to talk to you in person is one thing – contact outside the home is another. Candy’s trick to get her kids to reply to messages is revelatory. “They just don’t reply when you ask where they are, what they are doing, or need them to confirm anything!” she says. “The one thing that does get a response is a picture. When my eldest went Interrailing, I knew I wouldn’t hear much from her, but every time I sent a picture of the dog in her bedroom, or one of her siblings doing something daft, she replied. Questions can feel intrusive, but pictures of homelife are reassuring and comforting, reinforcing their connection to you, and it starts the conversations you want to have.”
Screen-time whines
While some of us whip away iPads using the excuse that they “need a charge”, Chloe from London has taken this to the next level by installing a cheap wifi smart plug at the back of her TV, which she can turn off from an app on her phone. “No more physically wrestling the remote control from their fists and no more meltdowns, as it’s just ‘the TV switching itself off because it’s been on for X minutes’,” she says.
Lauren from Essex advocates switching off the wifi too: “Sometimes I say it’s broken. I also change the screen-time passwords regularly as they always work them out. I often just hide the iPads – and then forget where I’ve hidden them, which is a bonus.”
