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The chief interest at Monday’s largely pointless Gaza summit in Sharm el-Sheikh lay in whether Donald Trump insulted or feted his fellow global leaders as they approached the self-styled world’s greatest peacemaker to shake hands and pose for a thumbs-up photograph.
As the host of the party, the US president had arrived – unapologetically – more than two hours late, musing to the Israeli parliament before boarding his flight from Tel Aviv that he feared his wealthy guests would already have left, leaving him with only two poor countries remaining.
He need not have worried. First up on the stage to be greeted by Trump was Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan, the vice-president of the United Arab Emirates. A beaming Trump pointed out Mansour’s “lovely shoes”, then pointed at him, saying: “A lot of cash, bundles of cash.” The Manchester City owner attempted to beam back happily at this self-evident truth.
Another to find favour with the Sun King was Giorgia Meloni, the only woman gatecrashing an otherwise male-only event. Trump turned to the Italian prime minister, saying: “In the United States, it would be the end of your political career. But I’ll take the risk. Do you mind if I say you’re beautiful? Because you truly are beautiful.”
The unqualified compliment stood in contrast to Meloni’s earlier interaction with the Turkish president, Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, who also told her she looked “great”, before adding: “But you should not smoke so much.”
Trump had a lot of praise for the Turkish leader, since he was a “tough” guy. The short Trump biography of Erdoğan gave the impression that we were in the presence of a blend of Genghis Khan and Greta Garbo. “Erdoğan possesses one of the strongest armies in the world,” Trump opined. “It is much stronger than it appears. He has triumphed in many conflicts, but he does not want any praise. He wants to be left alone.
“He is a tough person, but he is my friend, and he is always there when I need him. When Nato faces problems with him, they call me. I speak with Erdoğan, and he never lets me down.”
Another tough guy to receive Trump’s seal of approval was the Egyptian president, Abdel Fatah al-Sisi – nominally his co-host. Sitting down alongside Sisi, oblivious to his outstretched hand, Trump delivered his verdict on a man whose government stands accused of wholesale repression. “I am here with my friend, a strong leader, the president … and also a general, and he is good at both,” Trump said. “They have a low crime rate here, unlike the United States, where we have a high crime rate because we have state governors who don’t know what they’re doing … but here in Egypt, they don’t mess around when it comes to crime.”
The Hungarian prime minister, Viktor Orbán, who had made the guest list for no ostensible reason save his detestation of the EU, was also blessed. Trump said he liked Viktor, rolling the “r” to effect and adding: “I know a lot of people don’t agree with me, but I am the only one that matters.” Trump’s fellow world leaders behind him, including Keir Starmer, looked a little upset at another self-evident truth.
Less fortunate was the Iraqi prime minister, Mohammed Shia’ al-Sudani. Trump described his country as one “with so much oil it does not know what to do with it. That is a big problem if you have so much oil you don’t know what to do with it.” And with this aperçu, Sudani was dispatched.
Suddenly it was Starmer’s moment to shine. Trump asked: where is the UK representative? Starmer raised his hand, adding: “Right behind you as usual,” before being asked to step forward to the rostrum. Expecting to say a few words, he was instead thanked for turning up at short notice and directed by Trump to return to the UK’s natural place, in the dark shadow behind the Great Man.
Another European leader to suffer was Emmanuel Macron. Aware of the French president’s ability to appear in summit photography, Trump was taken aback when he discovered Macron had chosen to sit facing him in the audience rather than joining him on the stage. “I can’t believe it, you’re taking a low-key approach today,” Trump said. “I imagined you standing behind me.”
The Canadian prime minister, Mark Carney, deigned to approach Trump to point out that in his remarks about Canada, Trump had promoted Carney to the post of president. “You are fortunate I did not call you governor,” Trump shot back.
The one man who seemed to know how to handle the host was the Pakistani prime minister, Shehbaz Sharif. Sharif showered Trump with so much praise that Trump stepped forward to try to read the text of his speech, only to be pushed back forcibly by Sharif as he continued his paean.
“India and Pakistan are nuclear powers, and had it not been for his and his wonderful team’s intervention during those critical four days, a devastating war might have erupted,” Sharif said. “Who would have survived to tell the tale? History has immortalised his name in golden letters. May God bless you and grant you a long life to continue serving your country and nation with this great spirit.” And so on.
One leader who may have been breathing a sigh of relief is the Iranian president, Masoud Pezeshkian, who sought to protect his dignity by turning down the invitation altogether.
